Why I do hard things

Ever wonder why some people want to do things that for others look like the worst thing you could do to yourself on any given day? Like hiking a mountain on a late fall day when it suddenly gets really cold. You have no food or water left and you think you will succumb to hypothermia before you get back to your car. When I lived in Sydney, I sometimes went kayaking on the rough waters near North Head in Manly. The surge sometimes got so big it looked like a building ready to collapse right into my boat. My heart was racing and I was terrified every time, yet I kept going back.

I never feel the endorphin kick like I do when I experience something that is really, really hard and challenging. The feeling of joy and relief, the inner peace and calm like the world just stopped for a moment and took a deep breath with me. It is not just the feeling of achievement and accomplishment but something deeper. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that our primordial brain was pretty sure you weren’t going to make it, and then when it realizes you’re ok, it sends you this huge surge of feel-good hormones that make you feel like you’re on top of the world. It’s a feeling I’ve never experienced anywhere else.

Die with zero

It makes me wonder if people who live their lives without ever truly challenging themselves get these kinds of blissful feelings of euphoria. Can you feel profound joy if your life is always comfortable and in a state of balance? But maybe more importantly, do people who never experience real fear ever get to realize their full potential?

In his book “Die With Zero, Bill Perkins talks about maximizing your lifetime experiences by living it up while you still can, not when you’re old and frail. It’s not an old concept, yet many people still work way too many hours during their best years just to ensure they have enough money for retirement thinking they’ll live it up once they stop working. Only to realize that they have been on autopilot and haven’t had a chance to live their lives to the fullest, and now it’s too late. When you get old, you don’t have the energy and the health to do many things you can conquer when you are young. How is all that money going to make you happy if all you can do is drive to the bingo hall? Health is the single most important factor affecting our ability to enjoy life’s offerings, and the number one reason I try to take good care of myself.

I used to love running. It was always hard for me as I’m not built like a lithe mountain goat. But I loved how the effort made me feel: exhausted, and completely alive. Unfortunately, running isn't an option for me anymore because of all the miles I’ve put on my body over the years. I miss it so much it hurts sometimes but I’m grateful for all those beautiful and hard trail runs I’ve done in the past, and I’m happy I didn’t listen to the people who told me to stop running to save my body.

Of course, there are those super lucky folks who still ride bikes, run and go hiking in their 70s and 80s but those people are true outliers, and I don’t want to take the chance that I’m not going to be one of them. So I go out and do these things that make me happy and give me joy right now when I still can.

The day you stop growing is the day you start aging

What adventures and hard things do besides give us fulfilling experiences is that they force us to grow as humans. We’re like water, as soon as we stop flowing we become stale and start growing moss. We need to keep moving, exploring, and being open to learning to stay alive.

Every day takes us closer to the day we die. As morbid as it sounds, it’s true nonetheless. But the realization that our time is limited can and should motivate us to make the best of the time we have. And the more fulfilling experiences you have gathered along your path the fewer regrets you feel at the end of your journey.

For all of us, the last three years have been nothing but a long exercise in perseverance: the pandemic, the war in Ukraine, natural disasters all over the world… In this landscape, every bike ride on the trails or hike in the mountains no matter how hard is a gift. When I want to give up I ask myself “Can I do hard things?” and the answer is “Yes!”